The Kingdom of If Only

Once upon a time there was a kingdom named If Only.

It was run by a council of ten esteemed citizens elected by the populace every six years. There was no king in If Only because years ago the king died and no one replaced him because someone lost the crown. Everyone said they would have a king if only they could find it.

One day a traveler named Samar came to the gates of the kingdom. He saw a man laying by the side of the dirt road, his right leg wrapped up. The man was in obvious distress, holding his head in his hands.

“What’s the matter?” Samar asked.

“If only I had a crutch I could walk,” the man said. “I’m hungry.”

“I’ll get you a crutch,” Samar said.

“You can’t,” the man replied. “The crutch maker doesn’t come through here until February and it’s only April.”

“February! Why, that’s ridiculous. It’s almost a year away.”

“The council told me I have to wait. It’s illegal to get a crutch from anyone other than the crutch maker.”

“Where is this council?” asked Samar. “I want to talk to them.”

Samar went to the council building and took a seat. The council was holding hearings on the ways and means to control the disintegration of dirt roads. The testimony was quite boring and several of the council members appeared to be snoring. Samar waited hours until they were done and then approached them.

“I passed a man on the road who needs a crutch,” he told them. “He tells me that you forbid him to get one from anyone other than the crutch maker.”

“That’s correct,” a council member said, turning to leave. “The crutch maker will be here in February.”

“A sad case indeed. If only he had injured his leg in January,” another council member said.

“Or December. December wouldn’t have been too bad either,” said another.

“I don’t understand why he has to wait, “ said Samar. “I can cut down a branch from a tree and make him a crutch in under an hour.”

“That’s illegal,” a council member said. “And if you do that you’ll be put in jail.”

“Why?”

“The crutch maker sells crutches. It’s always been done that way. It’s illegal to let just anyone make crutches.”

“That’s absurd!”

” Perhaps you should go see the Minister of Absurdity,“ the council member said. “He can explain it to you.”

The council members nodded and left.

So Samar went down the hall to the office of the Minister of Absurdity. The minister was a rotund fellow wearing a purple robe with gold lightning bolts down the sides. He was laying on his back on the floor of his office trying to assemble a model of a building in mid air. The pieces kept falling down around him.

“That won’t work,” said Samar after watching for a few moments.

“It’s absurd, true. If only there wasn’t gravity,” said the minister. He stood up and asked Samar what his business was.

Samar explained the situation. “There must be something that can be done. The man is hungry. If it’s illegal to give him a crutch then at least provide him with some food.”

“No. That would be a bad precedent,” the minister said, shaking his head. “If we give him free food, all kinds of folks will want it. He’ll just have to wait. If only-“

“I know. If only this, if only that in this place,” said Samar. “You people are all absurd! This problem could be fixed if only you’d stop insisting that things be done the same unworkable ways!”

“I assure you,” the minister said “that this kind of talk from you will get you a visit with the Minister of Hostility.”

Samar stormed from the office and left the building. He knew what must be done. So he went to a patch of trees in the middle of the kingdom, cut down a strong healthy branch and made a crutch. He went back to the man and gave it to him.

“Thank you!” the man said, grabbing the crutch and standing up. “I can’t believe the council allowed it.”

“The council said I couldn’t do this. They said if only this, if only that.” Samar sighed. “But I made you a crutch anyhow.”

The man’s face fell. Then he handed the crutch back to Samar and sat down on the ground. “I can’t take it then. If only they had given you permission.”

“What’s wrong with everyone here?” asked Samar. “Don’t you see that the crutch is right in front of you? Take it!”

The man shook his head and wouldn’t budge.

So Samar left the crutch there and went on his way. At the end of the kingdom he came to a crossroads. The sign pointing behind him read “The Kingdom of If Only” and the sign pointing ahead read “The Kingdom of Only If”.

Sighing, he continued on his way.

The moral of the story is sometimes you have to get past all the “if’s” in life to find a solution.

Copyright 2007 Ruth Harrigan